Career & Business Coaching Blog.
Inspiration and tips for multi-passionate creatives & entrepreneurs.
10 Practical Ways to Get Unstuck Right Now
Do you currently feel stuck in your life? If you do, I want you to know that you're not alone. As a coach for multi-passionate creatives and entrepreneurs, helping people get unstuck is what I do best.
I get excited about helping others finally move forward because it's one of the best feelings in the world. I get to see people who are passionately pursuing their true path and achieving what they want. There's nothing better than seeing someone move past obstacles that were keeping them from following their dreams.
So, if you're feeling stuck right now, I get it. It's not fun to feel this way. There are many reasons why you might, and they vary from person to person. However, no matter what your challenges are, there's always a way forward. The key is looking for a way out and being open to it.
Action Comes Before Motivation
One of the most challenging things when you're stuck is finding the motivation within yourself to get moving again. It's easy to get stuck, getting moving again... not so much. Old habits and routines can feel safe, and the unknown often feels scary, even if it's so much better in the long term than what you have right now.
There are many reasons why we get stuck:
because we're afraid of failing,
because we procrastinate and keep putting off anything that feels scary or uncertain,
because the path forward isn't clear yet,
because we don't have a plan,
because our family doesn't support what we want to do,
because it seems like everything around us is working against our goals,
because we feel like we're the only one who isn't happy with their life right now,
and so much more...
10 Practical Ways to Get Unstuck Right Now
What do you get when you combine procrastination with fear? Creative deadlock. It always amazes me how easy it is to get tangled up in doing nothing by overthinking what I need to do next.
Ironically, the idea of "being stuck" (the most common procrastination excuse) is itself a fear, and a sneaky one disguised as laziness or indecision. Interestingly, we get stuck with both positive and negative emotions – not just paralyzing fear but also excited anticipation. I know, right? So let's get the "I just don't know what to do" off our chest and look at ten ways to get unstuck right now instead.
Determine what part of getting started is holding you back – fear, indecision, procrastination? Usually, it's some combination. Next time you get stuck on starting something, ask yourself: Do I worry about this? What might the fear be? What is the worst/best possible scenario for getting started? Let's get into some action here.
Write a list of possible actions you can take right now as if you had no fear at all and knew with 100% certainty that it would turn out alright in the end. Most likely, there will be at least 60% of them that you get excited about.
Trust yourself and go for one of the actions on your list. As soon as you get into motion, you'll notice that the feeling of being stuck subsides. The trick is to get a second action going right away after the first one. Then another one, and another one (you get the picture :)).
Remember that the first step is often the hardest. Once you get started, unseen forces and power get you unstuck and get things done. Once you get a few actions going, the momentum will help carry you forward. It is a bit like a snowball effect: it becomes harder and harder to get stuck again once you're out of the starting blocks.
Identify your biggest fear about getting started. Get back to that fear with a worst-case scenario: what's the worse that could happen? Except for the odd one out, you'll realize the worst isn't that bad, and certainly not as bad as doing nothing! Once you get that one out of the way, it will become easier to get things done. Don't leave it on the list for later – do it today!
Reward yourself for getting started. Treat yourself, take a break, get outside in the fresh air. Don't wait until the end of a project or goal to celebrate. When you've been stuck for a while, it's essential to reward yourself for little progress. This will train your brain to want more of that feeling and make it easier for you to keep going.
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Let me say that again: get comfortable with being uncomfortable. I know you're afraid of the unknown, I am too, but most people never get what they want because they quit when it gets tricky. By getting familiar with annoying or complex emotions, you give yourself a priceless gift. The more you get acquainted with them, the more control you'll have over them - instead of them over you!
If it's still hard to get started, make a plan for the next 15 minutes - not a minute more. Forget about the end goal, forget about all the tasks you have to accomplish, and focus on the next 15 minutes. Once they're over, you're done. Congratulations! Repeat for a few days or weeks until those 15 minutes feel too easy, then add more time as you progress forward.
Get an accountability partner. Find someone who will tell you to get your butt in gear even when you don't want to get started. Share goals, dreams, and work schedules with this person. Ask them to keep you on track and offer to do the same for them. You can get there on your own, but often knowing that you're accountable to someone will make it easier to get - and stay unstuck.
If you really can't get unstuck, find some professional help. There's a lot of it out there: therapists, support groups, coaches like myself... whatever it is you're struggling with, someone can help you figure things out. Don't be afraid to reach out.
I hope you've found these tips helpful. Just remember that being stuck is a feeling, not a fact. You have the power to move forward. I know it's hard, but you can do it!
Do you feel stuck?
I'm a coach and mentor for creatives and entrepreneurs who want to grow their careers or businesses. My specialty is helping people get unstuck so they can move forward with confidence. You don't have to go through this alone – I can help!
You don't have to stay stuck forever! Let me help you find the clarity, courage, motivation, and direction needed to progress your goals today! We will work together in an intimate setting where we can focus on what matters most for YOU. It doesn't matter whether it's writing a book, changing careers, or starting a new business - my job is to support you through this process until you're ready to fly again by yourself! This could be precisely what you need right now...
Yet: A Simple Three-Letter Word That Changes Everything
What if I told you that by adding just three letters to the end of your negative self-talk, not only would your mindset change for the better, but so would every aspect of your life? Imagine how much more good you could do in this world if you believed in yourself more and felt like anything was possible. The word "YET" is a three-letter word that can make all of these things happen.
Don't be fooled by the simplicity of the word. The implications are enormous! For many of my clients, it's the shift from a fixed to a growth mindset. They go from believing that their capabilities are what they are today to knowing they can continuously improve and become better - at whatever they set their minds to. By adding the nuance of "yet" to your thoughts and inner talk, you will not only believe you can do it, but you'll also give yourself the gift of patience. You'll know there's still time to perfect your execution of whatever it is you're doing, even if it doesn't happen right away.
Fixed versus Growth Mindset
Carol Dweck presents an interesting case about mindset in her book Mindset, which I highly recommend. She distinguishes between the fixed and growth mindsets saying that those who have a "fixed" mindset believe their capabilities are not changeable - they're just what they are right now. They think things like, "I'm not good at math." or "I'm not a good writer." This mindset limits people from excelling in these areas because they don't allow room or time to improve. People with fixed mindsets believe that their abilities are static, not able to be improved upon.
On the flip side is those who have what Dweck calls growth mindsets. These individuals believe their abilities aren't set in stone. Instead, they think they can develop their abilities through many different pathways - so people with growth mindsets tend to take on challenges head-on and work hard because they know the benefits of doing so will improve them over time. They understand things like "practice makes perfect" or "the more you do something, the better you become at it."
"Yet" changes not just how we see ourselves but also what others see in us. Not good at something yet? No problem! There's always a way so let's figure out how to get there. Suddenly, nothing seems impossible anymore. When you add "yet" into your life, you no longer feel like you're not "good enough" or "smart enough," and everything seems reachable with some effort. That's an empowering thought.
And one that we all desperately need to hear more - nobody was born knowing how to do everything right away. We all have to start somewhere, and we're not going to be good at it the first time, but that doesn't mean we can't get better!
How to use the word "yet" to change your mindset?
Don't say, "I don't know what to do," instead say, "I don't know what to do yet."
Don't say...
I'm not a writer
I'm not good with money
I'm not an entrepreneur
I have no clue on how to make my idea work
I don't know what I want
Instead, say...
I'm not a writer yet
I'm not good with money yet
I'm not an entrepreneur yet
I have no clue on how to make my idea work yet
I don't know what I want yet.
"Yet" is not just for yourself; it's also great to use when encouraging others. If you're not good at something yet, does that mean someone else can automatically do it better than you? Not necessarily. And if they try and fail (which will happen), don't be so quick to point out their failure; instead, ask them what they learned from the experience or how they plan on doing things differently in the future. They can't do it yet, but they might succeed next time!
The three-letter word can help you make all these changes in your mindset, but only if you remember not to take it for granted - to go from "yet" to success, you must be willing to work at it. So be patient with yourself and not too hard on yourself when things don't go according to plan.
Believe that you can improve your capabilities, but understand that the amount of effort and work put into something directly correlates to how good or capable you'll become. Don't be afraid to take on challenges because those challenges will stretch you beyond what's comfortable and allow for personal development and growth.
In the end, "yet" is a little word with significant consequences. It will make you feel like you can accomplish anything in life and be better at whatever it is that interests you.
Your newfound belief in yourself will help you to take more action toward reaching goals and objectives because you won't be fear of failure or embarrassment if not everything goes according to plan.
Do you feel like you're stuck in a rut?
You want to be successful, but sometimes it feels like something is holding you back. Maybe it's fear of failure or the feeling that nothing will work out for you. If this sounds familiar, coaching could help solve those problems and get your life on track again.
My coaching packages are designed to ensure that you get what you need from your time with me so we can create real change together. I know how hard it can be to face some of these issues, and I'm here to support you through them all. Don't wait any longer, and book your free session with me today!
3 Tips for Dealing with Fear of Criticism as a Creative
Everyone has dealt with criticism at some point in their lives. It's hard to hear criticism, especially when you put yourself out there as a creative person. Believe me, I know; it's probably the number one reason that kept me from showing my work for years! But criticism is something that can be beneficial if you take it the right way. This article will share three tips for dealing with criticism as a multi-passionate creative or creative generalist!
I know criticism can be scary - criticism from friends, family, or even strangers on the internet. It's easy to take criticism personally when you're a multi-passionate person who puts yourself out there in many different ways (and all at once). But negative feedback doesn't have to hold you back; it has the potential to motivate and inspire you! Here are three tips for dealing with criticism as a creative individual:
1. Find your inspiration in your naysayers
When criticism comes your way, you can take it as a sign that what you're doing is working. Think of all the people who told Oprah, J.K. Rowling, or Steve Jobs their ideas would never work - and how they turned those naysayers into media and tech empires, or one of most extensive bestselling book series of all time! They took criticism and turned it into inspiration to go after even bigger dreams.
As I mentioned before, take criticism as a sign that you're on the right track - criticism can inspire instead of discourage! When criticism isn't constructive or helpful, don't take it to heart! Remember that criticism is subjective - one person's criticism might be another person's inspiration. To know if the feedback you're getting is worthwhile, always consider the source. Who is telling you? What makes them experts? Do you trust their judgment? If not, have a good laugh and move on.
2. Use criticism as fuel for future work
Of course, criticism isn't always constructive - it can be discouraging and even bring you down to a dark place. But when criticism is helpful, use it as motivation for your next project or idea! If Steve Jobs' naysayers hadn't criticized him along the way, Apple wouldn't be the company it is today.
It's so easy to get discouraged by the people who don't believe in you along your journey - but it's just as important to remember that criticism only brings you down if you allow it to do so!
When you're passionate about your creative projects and put yourself out there in the world, criticism can be discouraging. But instead of focusing on the people who criticize what you do or how you act - concentrate on those few people (or even one person!) whose criticism inspires you to do better.
Do more of what criticism inspires - so it becomes fuel for your future work! Imagine being criticized for not knowing enough about a specific topic; that criticism can motivate you to learn even more about that subject. There's always something new to be discovered or explored when it comes to creativity and the world of multi-passionates anyway, right?! :)
3. Remember that someone is always criticizing you
The truth is - and nobody likes to hear this - you're already being criticized right now, whether you're perfect or not and whether you want it or not.
There will always be critics out there - you can't please everyone. Of course, passionate people don't like criticism and are more likely to be discouraged than inspired to do creative work that already comes with so many hurdles and challenges. But the fact is that not everything has to be perfect! There's no "right way" to do something creative; there are only the ways you choose to do it.
What matters most is your journey - and criticism doesn't have to be part of that journey if you don't want it to be. Remember that not everything has to be flawless, no matter what your critics claim.
Are you afraid of criticism?
You're not alone. The fear of criticism is a common problem that can stop people from being their best selves. But it doesn't have to be this way. With the proper guidance, you can learn how to deal with the fear and retake control of your life.
If you want to live a more fulfilling life but feel held back by fears about what other people think of you, then my private coaching services are for you! I will help you overcome your fears so that they don't hold you back anymore. I have helped hundreds of clients like yourself get past their fears and achieve success in all areas of their lives! I know I can help you too! So why wait any longer?
45 Minutes a Day to Make Your Dreams Come True
We all have dreams. We all want to be successful in life and at work, and we all know - on a conscious or unconscious level - that the decisions we make can move us forward what we want or hold us back. What if I told you that just one decision could make all the difference? And I'm not talking about deciding to drink more water or eat better. That's good advice, but it doesn't make a significant difference in your life (at least not that quickly).
I want you to imagine for just one minute what would happen if you decided to start working on your dreams - no matter where they take you - just 45 minutes a day. What if I told you that's how I wrote a 300+ page book in just over a year (371 days to be exact), will read 52 books this year, am teaching myself Spanish and started a new business on the side?
In this article, we'll explore how understanding the opportunity cost of wasting your time watching TV, on Netflix, scrolling through your phone together with the power of the compound effect will alter the course of your entire life.
As usual, the formula is relatively simple: find your time wasters and commit to replacing 45 minutes of wasted time with proactively working on your dreams. It's the execution that requires a little support, practice, and perseverance. I often find that understanding the mechanisms of our behavior helps to steer us in the right direction. So let's dive in.
What is opportunity cost?
We all have the same number of hours in a day. Yes, some of us have more help and support than others, making more of those hours available for the important stuff. But still, every one of us wastes time. Whoever says otherwise is a big time-wasting liar!
What this means is that every decision has a price. Opportunity cost is the loss of other alternatives when one alternative is chosen; it's what you are giving up to get something else.
Opportunity cost can look like this:
Watching TV instead of reading a book
Spending time on social media rather than learning how to play an instrument
Falling down the research rabbit hole instead of taking a practical step (aka doing something)
Worrying about a project instead of starting it
Wasting time binge-watching another Netflix series instead of writing the paper that's due tomorrow
All these things might seem like trivial decisions. They're not. When you make poor time choices, what you're leaving on the table is nothing less than your dream life. To grasp this enormity, we must first understand another concept of time: the compound effect.
What is the compound effect?
The compound effect is a concept that states that all small actions and decisions in life will have the opportunity to grow into big rewards. Although applicable to every aspect of our lives, this concept was first applied in the financial field. When talking about investments, compounding is the ability of money to generate more money, which is then reinvested or remains invested to create even more money.
A famous example is that of compound interest: the earlier your start investing, the more return you'll get for the same amount of money as someone who starts later in life than you.
The compound effect and your dreams
The compound effect isn't only applicable to money. Because everything we do requires time, it's relevant to EVERYTHING:
Spending 20 minutes every day exercising can add up to a fully toned body over a year if you maintain this habit. This same action could also make you healthier and happier, which will lead to more opportunities in the future.
Reading for 30 minutes a day, every day for a year can add up to over 60 books a year! The time you spend reading each day is short, but it adds up quickly and gives you new knowledge and life opportunities.
Writing for 45 minutes a day every single day can add up to over 100,000 words in one year. Imagine how much you could write if you commit yourself to this simple daily practice. I'm living proof that it's possible!
Now let's take this concept back to your dreams. Spending a little time each day on something worthwhile will produce incredible results.
45 minutes a day to make your dreams come true
Things start shifting when we put opportunity cost and compound effect together:
Identify 45 minutes of time wasters you can do without
Work on your dreams every day for that amount of time
Using the opportunity cost concept and the compound effect for your benefit is as simple as replacing 30 minutes of scrolling with writing or 15 minutes of thinking about something. Remember that opportunity cost comes from every decision you make in your life while compounding means doing the same small thing over and over again every single day.
You might not know this, but these concepts are already at work in your life. Every time you're scrolling through your phone, your compounding your knowledge of what's hot or not on Instagram or Facebook, all the hours you spent streaming series make you a champion at Netflix trivia.
There's no way to escape these forces from being at play in your life, so you might as well use them to build your dreams, don't you think?
You know you need to make a change in your life, but you keep putting it off.
Maybe you're not sure what the next step is or how to get started. Or maybe there are too many options, and it feels overwhelming. Whatever the reason, I can help! I offer personalized coaching services that will guide you through every step of making positive changes in your life so that you can finally start living the way YOU want to live!
Let me help take away all those feelings of overwhelm and confusion so that together we can focus on creating a plan for success for you and push past any resistance or procrastination holding you back from achieving your goals!
10 Advantages of Being a Creative Generalist in a Specialist World
In general, people are encouraged to specialize. In a world where everything is specialized and compartmentalized, generalists often feel like the odd ones out. As a multi-passionate creative myself, I've lived through the agony and pressure of a world that wanted me to 'find one thing and stick to it.' It took me a long time to figure out I could never live up to the specialist expectation because that's not who I am.
Like other creative generalists, I need variety, a sense of purpose, a mix of interests and passions to keep me going. I have to be able to learn something new (almost) all the time, and my attention does move from one thing to another faster than I can take a breath sometimes. For the most significant part of my life, I thought this was a problem. Until I realized it was my strength.
In this article, we'll discuss the advantages of being a generalist or multi-passionate creative in an increasingly specialist world and how what might look like weaknesses on the surface are your superpowers.
It's a great time to be a creative generalist
“If you're creative generalist, it's a great time to be alive.” - David Epstein.
In his book Range: How Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World, David Epstein documents how generalists are more necessary than before today, in an era that demands more and more specialization. Creatives who have mastered multiple skills can now leverage these abilities in ways like never before, generating new opportunities for themselves and their clients. It's a brave new world for creative generalists - but we've never had it so good!
To add some weight to this point, here are 10 advantages of being a creative generalist in a specialized world today:
#1 Innovation
Creative generalists can be more innovative and creative than their specialized peers because they have a more comprehensive range of interests and skills to bring together. They are great at connecting seemingly wholly different pieces of information and pull from a wide variety of life and career experiences.#2 Curiosity and adventure
Creative generalists are often more curious and adventurous than other types of people because they're used to exploring uncharted territory, with thicker skin for failure and a capacity to be a beginner over and over again. This gives them (us) a competitive advantage in many technological and business fields today that require finding new ways to approach problems or the market.#3 Employability
Multi-passionate creatives (aka creative generalists) can work in multiple fields thanks to their incredible hunger for knowledge and wide range of interests, translating into broader employment opportunities. The term "creative generalist" has even become a category on job sites now. Companies are looking for you at this very moment!#4 Leadership
Creative generalists make better leaders because they can see things from multiple angles. Because of their natural curiosity, they have an easier time stepping into someone else's shoes and understanding all stakeholders' needs involved in a project or team.#5 Building bridges
Creative generalists can work across disciplines and have a general understanding of the workings of different industries because they're interested in so many things. As a result, they're great bridge builders who bring together people and ideas who would probably never meet if it wasn't for them.#6 Problem solving
Multi-passionate creatives can draw from past experiences when solving problems or facing challenges in new circumstances. Because they have such an active, dot-connecting mind, they love challenges, which makes them my favorite type of natural problem solvers. They're more challenge seekers than problem solvers. To them, everything is possible, they need to figure out how to do it, and that's what drives them.#7 Diplomacy
Creative generalists may be more adept at navigating ambiguous situations than specialists because they're used to seeing things through many lenses. With a natural inclination to try and understand people, conditions, and contexts, creative generalists tend to find some truth in pretty much everything. It might not be the best position when you need to take a firm stance on something, but it sure makes you a hell of a diplomat at the dinner table or in the meeting room.#8 Adaptability to change
Creative generalists are more easily adaptable to change than specialists and have a bigger capacity for resilience. Because they're used to juggling multiple jobs or interests simultaneously, switching between things doesn't require as much effort to them as to someone who's only focused on one thing. That's not to say that all creative generalists bend like leaves in the wind, but we do tend to adapt quickly to new environments, ideas, and people.#9 Fast learners
Creative generalists might not go in-depth into one specific area, but that might just be the advantage they need to be better able to see the long game, which can help their career prospects in a world that changes rapidly. Research shows that creative generalists learn faster and remember things longer because they switch between interests and return to them more often, instead of focusing on one thing for too long.#10 A badge of honor
Creative generalism is not a dirty word anymore - in fact, it's seen as more of an asset than ever before. Be proud to wear it!
There are many other advantages to being a creative generalist, and in an increasingly specialist world, they outweigh any drawbacks that may exist more and more. If you have multiple interests or passions but feel like your options are limited - don't despair.
Every day there are more ways (and reasons) creative generalists can thrive in a specialist world. Whether you're generalizing for your professional life or personal hobbies, there is a world of opportunities waiting for you out there - so get creative!
Do you feel like your interests are all over the place?
You're not alone. Many people have a hard time figuring out how to make their many interests work together. It can be frustrating and confusing. I help creative generalists figure out what they want to do with their lives and then get them on the path towards making it happen.
If you're ready for a change but don't know where to start, I can help you find clarity so that you can move forward confidently and successfully toward your goals. Let me guide you through my unique 5-step process so that you can create the career or business of your dreams!
Choosing the Right Career for Multi-Passionate Creatives: Talent vs. Interest Testing
Are you a multi-passionate creative person? If so, talent tests might not be the best way to decide what career choices to make. You may want to try "interest testing" instead. Why? Because as multi-passionate creatives, or creative generalists, talent tests might tell you a lot about what you're good at (which tends to be a lot) but not so much about what you want to do. Overlooking our desires can leave us feeling confused and mismatched with our jobs.
Interest testing might be much better suited to help us decide what career we should pursue, especially if we want to get up in the morning looking forward to work that is fulfilling and matches our interests or passions. This article will explore how following your interests can be one of the most critical ingredients in helping multi-passionate creatives find or create their dream careers.
Talent testing vs. Interest testing
What is talent testing?
Talent testing is a process of understanding what talent you have and how it can translate into valuable skills in the workforce. The talent could be anything, such as a musical ear, a keen eye for structure, or drawing well. Whatever talent(s) people possess, there's usually an industry for it - so no matter if someone has a natural talent for singing or if they're more mechanically inclined, talent testing will tell them what they're (potentially) good at.
If you'd like to discover your talents, there are several great resources out there. There's also the option to in-depth talent testing with personality, cognitive and aptitude assessments such as a Talent Strengths, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or the Enneagram.
A talent test will help you figure out what your natural talents are. Here's a great article with a list of 11 personality tests similar to Myers-Briggs. These can give you insights into where your strengths lie regarding creativity, analytical thinking, and more.
What is interest testing?
Interest tests are a type of assessment that will show you what activities and tasks interest you the most, so in turn, this information can be an indication to lead people into careers that suit them. This type of testing allows people to explore the crossroads where their talents, interests, and outlook on life in general meet and find out what they enjoy the most, which can often lead to a career that suits them - certainly if they're multi-passionate creatives - more.
How to test for interests?
Interest tests can be found on a variety of websites and are typically simple to take. All you have to do is answer questions that will show you what types of activities or tasks interest you the most. There are many different types of interest tests to explore, such as the Strong Interest Inventory Tool.
But online tests only take you so far. Interests may change across time and context, so quiz results will not tell the whole story, maybe even just a tiny part of it! It's essential to recognize that creative generalists tend to have a fluid and ever-changing relationship with their interests (even when they circle back around to them regularly).
Luckily, there are many things you can do on your own that will help you figure out what your interests are. I've used these activities many times to clarify what I wanted to do, and I know they're helpful for many clients.
So here are a few things that can help you to discover your interests:
Don't wait for clarity to strike. To figure out your interests, you must at least pick something or choose a direction. This way, you'll be able to test things out.
Grow your self-knowledge. Learning more about yourself will help you to figure out what you like and what your interests are.
Don't get stuck on your choices. Allow yourself to change your mind when you realize the thing you thought you liked.
Don't plan every minute of your future. Instead, iterate by testing things out and learning from them.
Remember this powerful truth: it's not because you're good at something that you should do it. Talents should not decide what you spend your life doing; you should do that.
Focusing on your interests instead of your talents can be a great way to figure out what career or business to pursue, or at least give you a hint at the ingredients that the work you'll do every day needs to have.
Why interests should come first
Talent tests might not always work for people with multiple interests (or different talents, for that matter) who don't know which one to focus on. This type of assessment will often tell them they need to hone in on a specific talent instead of further exploring the complexity of who they are.
That's why I believe interest testing might be a better alternative for creative generalists because it gives you the freedom to explore your interests and find out what you enjoy the most without the pressure of having to monetize your natural abilities or the skills you've learned.
It's risky to commit a talent without knowing what you want to do with your life. We're not robots; we change as we evolve and grow. Making decisions about your entire life based on the talents you have today might not be your best bet once you realize how much your interests and preferences change over time. You might think you're the same person you were six months, a year, or three years ago, but I guarantee you that you're not.
If you've always been good at drawing, doing administrative work, or laying colors down in a particular order, chances are you won't lose the ability over time. You might even enjoy doing some of those things today (except for the admin stuff), but does it mean you should make it your job? Of course not!
Knowing what your talents are is powerful
Talent tests can be a great help to understand more of what you're good at, but they should not decide your career. Once you know what interests you, knowledge about your talents can be invaluable to do a good job. It allows you to perfect the skills you already have, learn vital skills, or find critical people to delegate specific tasks. Still, diving deep into your interests and preferences should always come first.
Interests should inform your career choices the most. Talents can always come later, once you know what you like.
If you start with what you're good at (which is plenty anyway, since you a multi-passionate creative with an entrepreneurial spirit!), you could end up miles away from your dream career and life.
You're a creative generalist, and you know it.
But the problem is that you have too many interests and don't know how to make them work together. That's where I come in. I help creative generalists figure out what they want to do with their lives by giving them personalized guidance, feedback, and accountability.
My clients love learning new things but don't know where to start or how to find time for it all. They might be feeling stuck in their careers or need some direction on what they should be doing next. If this sounds like you, we need to talk!
The Trust Issue That's Keeping You Stuck in Your Career or Business: Attachment Theory and Healing
We all know lack of trust is a huge hurdle in our relationships. But did you know it can have equally detrimental consequences for your career or business?
If you have trust issues, this article will help explain how attachment theory and lack of trust might be keeping your business or career stuck!
Are you able to trust the people you work with quickly? Do you believe a co-worker when she tells you she's got it? Do you trust her to do a good job, or are you micromanaging everything and everyone around you?
Your lack of trust in business might be because you're anxious and don't want to be hurt (again). What has probably been a great, life-saving defense mechanism at some point in your (early) life could be keeping you stuck in a career you don't like or unable to move forward with your business. It might even stop others from entering into business relationships with you.
On the surface, it doesn't seem like trust issues have anything to do with our careers or businesses, but when we dig a little deeper, it's easy to see how this can affect success and why it deserves attention and might even require healing.
Trust issues are often linked to anxious attachment, one of four types of attachment styles. People who have developed an anxious attachment often have a hard time feeling secure in relationships. They lack trust in almost everything, which usually leaves them feeling anxious, scared, or worried.
What is attachment theory?
Psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby was the first to talk about attachment and formalize its theory in the 1950s and 1960s.
Bowlby theorized that attachment is an inbuilt survival instinct that ensures infants seek proximity to their mothers or primary caregivers. If they cannot do so, infants might fall into a state of "distress," determined by a lack of comfort and satisfaction when confronted with anything other than what they need.
Attachment theory, therefore, examines how the caregiver-child bond develops and its impact on significant development. In Bowlby's words: "Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another person across time and space."
According to Bowlby, there are four attachment styles: secure, anxious-ambivalent, disorganized, and avoidant.
Secure Attachment Style
Securely attached children feel safe and comfortable with their primary caregivers. They explore the world around them but return to a secure base when needed. Securely attached people tend to have healthier relationships in adulthood because they feel more confident in their interactions with others and don't experience fear of abandonment.
In their career or as business owners, securely attached adults are more likely to rely on others for help and support because they have a more vital trust. They are also less anxious about their lack of control in work-related situations. Securely attached individuals will have an easier time sticking to a job or business idea, trusting co-workers or business partners and making decisions based on opportunity rather than fear. Especially compared to the avoidant and disorganized attachment types, who often have a more challenging time making decisions, and suffer lasting ambivalent feelings about the choices they eventually make.
Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment Style
Anxious-ambivalent children are more clingy, needy, and lack self-confidence. They get anxious when away from their caregivers and distrust them, leading them to explore their environment with fear rather than excitement.
They constantly seek approval from their caregivers and continuously observe their surroundings out of fear of being abandoned or in danger. This can translate into less ease and more perfectionistic tendencies at work in adulthood because they're constantly dwelling on what could go wrong. The strategic decisions they make can reflect their focus on fear, in which case the results might be missed business opportunities or promotions they want but don't take.
Avoidant Attachment
Avoidant children lack the attachment bond with their caregivers and show very little interest in exploring or trying new things. They seem uninterested, detached, and lack empathy for others. When they explore the world, it's usually to get away from adults rather than meet them; when faced with a challenge that requires help, they avoid seeking support.
They often struggle with expressing their feelings and find it hard to understand emotions - especially their own. As a result, avoidant adults tend to lack trust in people, reflected in their career or business as difficulty to delegate, trying to do it all themselves, failing to ask for support when needed, and often struggling to work with team members or business partners.
Disorganized Attachment Style
Disorganized attachment is a combination of avoidant and anxious attachment caused by various reasons, such as a lack of bonding with the caregivers or frequent changes in caregivers.
Children with a disorganized attachment style often display intense anger and rage, a difficulty to control their emotions that will affect their relationships later on in life. As adults, they avoid trusting others and have little to no self-confidence when facing challenges. This often leads to accepting less than what they are worth at work, doing other people's jobs, accepting without a fight not to be recognized for their accomplishments. In business, it leaves them prey to their customers and service providers and aiming for smaller goals than they could achieve.
Do you lack secure attachment?
Those with an anxious or ambivalent attachment style (well, hello there!) have had this lack of trust ingrained in us since our developmental years. A lack of secure attachments with caretakers during those times affects how your brain develops and responds to interpersonal relationships later in life. The problem is, we're often unaware of how this influences the way we interact with others as adults, let alone the impact it has on our business or at work.
If you're not sure of your attachment style, click here for an assessment that may help.
Lack of trust in your career or business can express itself in various ways, such as:
You're exhausted because you feel you need to do all the things, and the help you're getting is (according to your perfectionistic standards) never up to par.
You're micromanaging everyone's tasks (including your colleagues, business partners, and service providers) because you're not confident they can do the job.
You never ask for help or accept it because whenever someone offers, it makes you suspicious. You wonder what the ulterior motives are, so you say no, even when you need it most.
You're always waiting for the other shoe to drop because you're anxious things won't work out. Everything might look good now, but you don't believe it will stay that way.
You have a hard time making decisions, especially about a career change or new business venture. One day you're ecstatic about the idea; the next, not so much.
To heal your lack of trust, you need to work on healing your attachment wounds. I suggest starting with finding a therapist or coach who knows about attachment theory so they can help guide you through this process.
You may also want to read or research this critical topic to understand it better. Here are a few resources to get started with:
Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find - and keep - love by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A.
The Psych Up Podcast.
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman.
The work of Diane Poole Heller, who devoted her life to helping people find secure attachment.
Is your attachment style keeping you stuck at work or in business?
Anxiously (and ambivalently) attached people are generally preoccupied with thoughts about relationships - whether personal or professional ones. They can be cautious to the point of being fearful and may withdraw from a relationship if they have an uneasy feeling that it's going downhill.
This, of course, is bad for business. A successful career or business requires networking and successfully reaching out and connecting with others.
If you lack trust in your business or work relationships, try the following:
Make sure you're not micromanaging everything and everyone around you. Be a supportive team player instead of always telling others what to do or how they should be doing it. You don't want them feeling like their work is never good enough because this might further complicate your collaboration.
Trust others by giving them more responsibility and let go of the reins a little bit. Your lack of trust will show if you don't delegate some tasks out, so try trusting someone with something small at first and see how they do before handing over more significant projects or responsibilities.
Have a candid conversation with your team, business partner, or service providers and tell them that your attachment style has held you back from trusting them. You don't need to give them the reasons why, but it helps to develop solutions together.
Keep working on developing a more secure attachment. You might never get where someone who naturally trusts others is, but you can get pretty close. It all starts with understanding your style and being willing to work at it.
As people who lack trust in others (or maybe lack it when it comes to the next business or career step to take!), we can't let it hold us back anymore. We have to start healing our lack of trust and release the painful memories from our past and change some thinking patterns. I know because I've been there. And the transformation I've gone through has been magnificent.
If lack of trust has been an issue for you, I hope this article helped you see there's a way out of it. It's going to take some time and work, but it is possible.
You can do this.
Do you have attachment wounds?
If so, I'm here to help. You need to work on healing your lack of trust before you can move forward in your career or with your business. The first step is to find someone who understands attachment therapy and getting the guidance you need. Let me know if I can be that person for you!
It's time to start feeling safe again in relationships and stop being afraid of getting hurt all the time. Let me show you how we can do this together! We'll work on healing what's keeping you stuck so you can reach the next level in your work!