How Katherine started her own bookkeeping business & became a money mentor

Katherine and I initially connected online. I loved Katherine’s bubbly personality from the start. When I needed someone to look at the numbers of a start-up I was building, she’s the one I turned too. I felt so supported knowing that she was on the team. Katherine does have a way with money! Ever since, it’s been a joy connecting with her, and watching her revolutionize the accounting world one business at a time. Here’s the story of how she started her own bookkeeping business and became a Money Mentor.

What was your big dream, and what inspired you to go after it?

It’s my mission to help 3 million people retire rich. Which is ironic, since I never cared about money when I was younger. Instead, I was focused on making an impact with my art, and talents as an actress and director. 

When I started pursuing this dream professionally, however, I felt I’d been lied to. The work itself was fulfilling, but not one of my mentors had prepared me for the financial challenges of being self-employed. I soon discovered my mentors couldn’t have prepared me because they struggled with these things too! So, I set out to learn about money. The more I did, the more ambitious I became.

I learned that money is a language to master, that it has the creative energy to build on itself, and that it’s possible to stop fighting money and instead make it a teammate. I learned this process was surprisingly easy and enjoyable, but no one – and I mean no one – gives you this critical education in school. Which is why if you pull back the curtain, almost everyone, in every industry, is struggling with money.

That’s the most important thing I learned: money problems aren’t limited to creatives! So I decided I’d had enough and wanted to tackle this problem head on.

That’s why I started my own accounting firm. I wanted to move the needle just 1%. I want to help a mere 1% more Americans (the only country I’m licensed to work!) kick their money woes and retire comfortably. 

At the time I made that goal, 1% of America was 3 million people. That’s how my big dream of helping 3 million people retire rich was born.

Did you always have this dream?

No way! As an artist, I always wanted to inspire hearts and minds, but I never dreamed that a single topic would inspire me so much or that I’d change my life’s work to pursue it.

What was one of the first things you did to get you started?

I invested in my education. I’m a graduate of Ben Robinson’s Bookkeeper Business Launch. I credit Ben with how I think about bookkeeping and client relationships. All my tax work, writing, and coaching have grown from this bookkeeping foundation.

What were the biggest challenges you faced in working toward achieving your dream?

When I started, I really, truly thought that I was going to acquire all this tax knowledge, teach it to my clients, and “BOOM!” the problem would be solved and we’d all have successful, profitable companies to brag about.

But education is not implementation. My first clients had cleaner books but weren’t changing their money habits.

Changing money habits is hard to do! Money is an emotional topic for many people. We not only need to master an outer monetary system, but also master our inner thoughts and emotions about at. This inner relationship with money becomes ingrained in us as children, and every friend, partner, and the bill we pay either reinforce this relationship or will bring us into conflict with it.

Owning up to this relationship and learning to tackle my own “money blocks” was the first step. Then, I had to learn how to pair money mindset coaching with my growing financial expertise. This was how the Chaos Money Framework was born.

The Framework keeps us accountable. Because it’s challenging to accept that “wealth” and “success” are not static achievements. I need the Chaos Money Framework to help me choose and walk my wealth journey every day.

What do you wish you would have done differently? What would you warn others about?

I wish I had slowed down.

I made the new business owner mistake of focusing only on growth and income. This meant I chased every shiny tool, coach, or course who could take me to the “next level.” (All the while telling my clients to act differently – the hypocrisy!)

But if I had focused more on the clients in front of me – if I had treated them as the only important thing in the world – I would have achieved better results overall. I would have figured out some things faster. Most importantly though, I would have helped more people.

I would caution others who are looking outside of themselves for answers. 

Copying other people’s business only encourages comparison and imposter syndrome. It’s better to slow down, focus on the work at hand, and develop your own system with the resources available to you.

I’d encourage them not to chase income, but rather measure metrics that support your own mission and values (like repeat customers, profitability, or the success you help clients achieve). Only look to change your system when it helps you improve one of these metrics and stop caring what caring about what’s “expected” in your industry.

Would you say you’ve achieved your big dream yet?

Uh oh! Remember what I said earlier about achievements?

In all seriousness, yes. I’ve achieved some incredible things since I started.

As my impact grows, my clients’ impact grows, and as their impact grows new jobs and new investments are created. Each one gets me closer to the 3 million marks!

What do you think helped you achieve it?

Oh, my Money Map! Definitely!

That’s what I call the unique mix of financial reports you use to lead your business. Everyone’s Money Map will be different and that’s actually the purpose of the Chaos Money Framework. The Framework helps you break down big goals into actionable milestones. Then we turn those milestones into – wait for it – a map! You can follow this Money Map to reach your goals.

I’m my own customer here because Money Mapping really works. I also have an incredible coach to hold me accountable, a team to support the work I do, and I’ve invested heavily in my marriage and personal relationships. 

Everything’s harder if you’re trying it alone!

What’s the best advice you have for others who want to follow their big dreams?

Set a big, scary goal. You have permission.

But don’t try to tackle that goal everyday. It’ll be too overwhelming. Just let the big goal float around in the back of your head.

Instead, slow down. Ask yourself “What’s the very next step?”

Also pick out the smallest, tiniest, so-simple-it’s-easy next step. (Like clicking send on that email or taking that receipt from your purse to your desk). Do only that step.

Then identify the tiny step after that. Do that. Identify and execute each tiny step, over and over, until you’re getting to work naturally and you don’t have to think about it anymore.

Big goals create too much pressure, but tiny tasks are easy. Tiny tasks also add up fast! It’s getting started that’s the hardest.

More about Katherine – www.bookkeepingartist.com

Katherine is a money mentor for creative entrepreneurs. She can transform you from a stressed solopreneur into the money-savvy CEO of your own online empire. She specializes in Taxes and Business Entities, Profit Strategy and Business Growth, Bookkeeping, Workflow, and Productivity.

Don’t hesitate to get in touch with Katherine! She loves connecting with women from around the world. You can do so through her website at bookkeepingartist.com 

Katherine’s favourite quote is:

Imagination is only intelligence having fun.
– George Scialabba

Katherine’s big dream for the world is:

To persist joyfully along my unique path of creative and financial freedom. To lead and inspire others to do that same.

If you want more inspiring stories, I’ve got great news for you! This story is part of an interview series, you can find all entries here.

5 skills (you can start with today) to work less and achieve more

Among the many ways that can help to work less and achieve more, there are 5 skills that I live by. 

Don’t get me wrong, there’s so much information out there! Courses, blogs and advice that offer great value, but what will truly make a difference? Which resources are helpful for you, and what *you* want to achieve today? 

I might not have the perfect answer, (which doesn’t exist anyway) but I do have the experience as a professional coach and Smart Work™ Expert to share that my clients come to me feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, and leave feeling less distracted, more calm and more productive.  

The recurring theme, distilled from more than a thousand coaching hours, is that time management, productivity, and the confidence to achieve a level of success that seems unreachable, are at the heart of working effectively. 

Working less but achieving more means just that: achieving a state where you’re not scattering your energy anywhere and everywhere, all the time. 

It’s about knowing and differentiating between what should receive your energy and attention and what needs to be discarded or stopped. Before you can do that, you must develop a higher level of self-awareness. 

5 Skills to ​Work Less And Achieve More

#1 Seek Clarity

Being crystal clear with yourself requires a level of honesty and transparency that can be challenging. Defense mechanisms can get in the way. “I wasn’t late, the bus was,” or “I can’t invest in my own goals, things are just too busy.”

Be honest with why you want to grow, and if you’re willing to give up outdated habits, and beliefs. Replace them with a crystal clear vision of who you want to be, and what you want to achieve. Ask yourself: why do you want to achieve this, and are you ready to commit to change?

#2 Prioritize

Precise arrival at the right time is quite a different feeling than running late, packing frantically, sweating in the Uber ride and being the last one at the meeting. This might be the feeling you carry with you along every task you undertake. The frantic overwhelm and anxiety. It’s the result of miscommunicating your priorities to yourself. Wanting to get too much done affects this, as does focusing on the wrong things and mistaking them for the right ones.

Track what you’re doing: sleeping and eating habits, people who drain and fuel you, where you’re losing your time – social media? Binge-watching shows? Shopping online? Prioritize the things that are important to your future self and not just the person you are right now. Ask yourself: are you willing to sacrifice short-term gratification for long-term success?

#3 Manage Yourself

Life has peaks and valleys, and you cannot control every external happening. However, you can manage your inner state. Your reactions, emotions, and attitude to what happens day-to-day.

If you have a difficult time with patience, you might be draining yourself of mental energy because you spend more time stressed out than choosing calm as a response (did you know you have that option?!). Ask yourself: are you willing to admit your growth areas, start on a new plan for addressing them, and how to overcome them?

#4 Boundaries

There’s no such thing as #SoulfulProductivity without a focus on boundaries. When was the last time you said “no” confidently? As women we tend to be “yes” people because we’re nurturing and accommodating.

But where do you draw the line? How do you prioritize if you feel you *must* say yes all the time? Ask yourself: are you ready to say “no” and not feel guilty? Are you ready to put yourself first.

#5 Less stuff

Being able to do less and achieve more, means reassessing the mental, emotional, physical and digital landscape that is your life. The ways and spaces you interact with on the day to day. Materialism is making us sick, social media is affecting our mental health, and our sleep. The psychological benefits of tidying up are proving to be great (thank you Marie Kondo!), so take a good look around you.

Start with decluttering where it makes sense to begin. Take a digital detox, Marie Kondo your home, or clean up your computer. Making space actually promotes new energy, less distraction, and stress from the important tasks you do want to accomplish.

When you have a laundry list of to-dos, life or work gets overwhelming. 

Trust me I was there, and I did a lot of trial and error to find tools, tips and tricks that actually work to get you off the hamster wheel of productivity! I left the corporate world to pursue a more soulfully productive way of living. I even teach about it here. I followed my true voice because it grew too loud, too frustrated and – honestly – too exhausted. 

The truth is: you have to clear time to make time! If you want to prioritize yourself AND improve your well-being, you *must* create space so you can invest in yourself. 

The 5 skills you must practice to work less and achieve more is not a quick fix, nor is it a gimmick. It’s also not an easy road – at first. Once you’ve mastered those 5 though, you’ll get more focused time to tackle some of life’s bigger challenges that are getting in the way of being soulfully productive. 

Once you have mastered those 5 skills, everything else will flow naturally and easily into place. 

Until then, practice them as often as you can. Start small, start today, and let me know how it goes!

Being too much, eating cake, and little acts of everyday rebellion

Have you ever inadvertently let go of control? Dropped the mask? Fallen out of your *roles* in life? Felt like you were being too much, even for a minute?

You know what I’m talking about. That moment when something within you surfaces, and you become an observer. You’re trying to contain yourself, but you simply can’t. *It* has to come out. You’re restless, sleepless, pacing, your inner voice screams, stutters. There’s no way to hold back the anxiety, the tears, the anger, or the joy.

Eventually, something has to give.

You let go of the reins. Loosen them (because I mean, letting go – even a little – you’re still a very put together human, aren’t you?). Show a side of you that only you know exists.

This letting go does something, relieves something, creates something new. It certainly doesn’t feel all that bad. But then, your inner critic takes over and screams at you, what the hell is wrong with you!? Shame sets in, telling you that you’re…

Too much.
Too loud.
Too foolish.
Too demanding.
Too out of control.

The voice hides the fact that you did nothing wrong. But still, you struggle and keep apologising. You try to make up for your “bad” behaviour – because for some reason it feels threatening to the well put together you.

Many have felt this way. I’ve certainly been there many times. Maybe you have too…

As creative, multi-passionate, high-achieving women it’s hard to live up to society’s expectations. We’re taught to play the part early on in our lives. We’re expected to be nice, anything but loud. Although many of us become *really* good at it, it’s a struggle to remain composed all the time, and to feel constrained by the pressure to be what we’re not.

This keeps us from letting go, and stepping into the fullness of who we are.

Light and dark.
Soft and hard.
Strong and fragile.
Courageous and afraid.
Put together and a mess.
Happy and sad.

The conditioning is strong, which makes it hard to shed.

You can’t just dance on the bar counter, or let the mask fall completely, now can you? Sometimes you ignore the nagging voice in your head and indulge in small ways. You eat that piece of chocolate cake, even if she tells you that you shouldn’t; or you buy something for yourself, even if she tells you not to. Perhaps you spend time doing nothing at all for once – yet, even that feels like you’re breaking a rule, and doing something wrong.

The guilt is always there.

Just last week, I had a conversation about this with a client who went through such a moment. This always-so-composed human let go for a few hours at a party recently. All of a sudden so much emotion and frustration came out. She made a *scene*. Afterwards she felt shattered, as if she’d done something horribly wrong, when in fact she’s an incredible person. Why did she feel uncomfortable and weighed down by revealing such a pure and raw part of herself? Of her truth?

This heart-to-heart was an honest assessment of the work needed for expansion, beyond the mask, and into liberation, freedom, and courage. What my client did that night is one of the hardest things she (or anyone else trying hard to hold everything together) could do.

The truth is, this was a way to take back control, not surrender to it.

This was an act of rebellion.

Liberation requires transformation. It can be rough to the edges, because we need to reclaim the lost parts of ourselves in the process, our wildly creative and expressive spirit. That of a full embodied human.

Breaking free is hard. But it’s also growth and beauty.

I believe there’s way too many false have-tos in our lives. They keep us so small, exhausted, stressed-out. Far away from our power and potential.

The challenge is to pay attention to our inner fire, not muffle it away as being wrong. Only so can we find our way back to the things that really matter. Only so will we ever be free.

So here’s to being too much, eating cake, and little acts of everyday rebellion.

How to define success for yourself

We spend a big part of our lives doing as we’re told. We’re learning from teachers, peers, books and the world. This is called social conditioning. We can’t help it. We get rewarded and punished as children. Ultimately we want to feel safe, loved and like we belong. That follows us into adulthood. This is important to know as we look to define success on your own terms – what it means to us often takes shape from what we’re taught.

Go to school, find a partner, get a career (and not just any career). Then comes marriage, the house with picket fences, a dog, 2.4 children. Today, many of these milestones (especially the material ones) are out the window for a lot of people (who can afford a mortgage on a million-dollar home in the city!?).

Likewise, success changed over time. If we only focus on success as a monetary measure – or define our worth based on our professional achievements – we risk never finding satisfaction in what we do, or who we are.

Today, no one stays at one job for their lifetime. Houses in major cities are expensive, and there’s a palpable spiritual restlessness, a nagging voice that keeps on asking: “are you truly happy with the ‘success’ you have right now?”

For many, the answer is “no”. I know it was for me.

Until I was forced to awaken to the truth of my professional life: I was living someone else’s dream. I was making money but I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more out there for me.

What followed was a 10-year Odysseus-like trip back home – a journey, both physical and internal, that turned my social conditioning upside down. The journey required reflection, struggle, and for me to create my own version of success based on my own desires, rather than grasping for other people’s definitions.

Some things you have to figure out.

I want you to take a transformative journey through what success means to you. To define success on your own terms you must look at…

#1 Your Why

Why is success important to you and what will that look like? What will happen if you keep the same definition of success you’ve been taught, will it lead you down a happy road?

#2 Your Values

What beliefs are non-negotiable on your journey to success? Freedom from guilt? Freedom from your parents? Joy? Determination? More work hours? Do you sacrifice time with family? Your health? What do you value?

#3 Your Talents

Reflect on your talents and where you felt most successful. Was it problem-solving something no one else could? Was it getting creative? Are you a great speaker or researcher?

#4 What Brings You Joy

What truly made you happy and joyful the last time you felt successful?

The way you love to spend your time means knowing that time is the new currency you cannot buy. The past is gone and you only have now (you can’t control the future, it hasn’t even happened yet!). How are you spending your time?

Who you like to surround yourself with – we often hear about toxic behaviours, problematic friends but setting boundaries so you feel you can participate in healthy and reciprocal relationships means assessing who you surround yourself with, and clearing space if necessary.

What brings you rest, feeds your soul – when are you in the flow? When does happiness come easy to you? Who’s with you in those moments, and what are you doing?

Those are all clues into what success means to you, and how you can create it for yourself. Success is not a singular thing or material object. In fact, there’s not enough money in the world to buy your way into it.

True success is a way of life.

Michelle Obama said, “Success isn’t how much money you make but how much of a difference you make in people’s lives.” The first person this applies to is yourself.

How much difference are you making in YOUR life?

Then, there’s a bigger dimension.

We forget how important it is to place the individual within a community. Self-development and concepts like success can get individualistic. But you can apply your talents and skills towards a higher purpose. Be sure to open your eyes from the social conditioning of society, parents, and capitalism that tells you what you should do.

Question everything by being discerning and compassionate.

From all of this, you can truly start to design your own life. Like Ulysses in Homer’s epic story, venturing into a new land, without a home or identity and struggling to both establish one and avoid one at the same time.

Your identity and relationship with “success” can evolve on this journey.

You can have a past, but it doesn’t have to define your future.

3 easy steps to help you change careers

Hitting that metaphorical 9-to-5 wall, Groundhog Day, running on a hamster wheel of mindless work – choose a career cliché for how you’re feeling right now. Ok, so now what? 

You’re ready for a more dramatic change this year, and not just something small or incremental. It’s a new decade, and the pressure of a new decade living the same ten years all over again is not unusual for a perfectionist and overachiever – we do love to hold onto things.

Did you forget all of your accomplishments? Your efforts and achievements? 

You might be letting the inner critic ring it’s a bell on the hour every hour, and you might even be feeling confused about what your next step is, you’ve stopped dead – I get this all the time from my clients. You’re stuck, but you notice you really don’t want to feel that way anymore. Going through another year of the same thing is no longer an option, too much anxiety and overwhelm live there. 

How do you reclaim your power and take the next step mentally?

Guidance

Chances are you have some inclination towards change – you feel a tug, an itch or a pull. This emotional or internal guidance is there and it’s getting louder. You might worry about leaving where you are now will open the floodgates of new challenges, discomforts, or pessimism. However, from my experience, living in the past does that, but so does keeping the same routine on autopilot. Which do you prefer? Not nourishing your desires allows fear to grow instead.

There’s no “perfect” way to break through fear. There’s only taking one step at a time. It can be messy. Fear never really goes away, but it can be channelled into action. 

Human emotions are important messengers. Resistance is one tell-all sign that growth is necessary and the universe will eventually kick you out of your seat if you delay. That or you might be feeling the downside in your health, relationships, or stress levels. 

This is certainly true for me – and so many of my clients. One way fear keeps showing up for me is in disguise: perfectionism, procrastination, too much research, waiting for that moment when I’ll finally be *ready*. 

The problem is, that day usually NEVER comes.

That’s why those difficult emotions require reframing; you might not have the answers, but on the flip side to those emotions are opportunity, discovery, and change. You just need to hop over that fence (even in those fabulous new heels you’re wearing).

Does my Dream Job Really Exist?

Ultimately, it’s important to accept the fact there will never be the “perfect” job out there for you that will meet 100% of your needs, 100% of the time. And that’s okay! A lot of my clients get pretty darn close. One left her office job to train and become a trailguide around the world.

How do you know you’re ready for your career breakthrough this year? Here are 3 tell-tale signs:

#1 Acknowledge and investigate that itch.

Recognize there is a better job (or lifestyle) than the one you’re currently in, which you have yet to discover. Acknowledge that overwhelm, stress, and frustration of being undervalued and unappreciated where you are, is no way to live. 

A lot of people are unsatisfied where there are more than are willing to admit. The difference between you and most people is you want to do something about the itch. You can’t clock watch and go home to slump on your couch watching Netflix forever. You know you want to feel different – more energy, joy, laughter, perhaps even working outdoors. 

You have to be open to admitting your needs, to follow that “what-if” so that you can discover what you truly want to do, plan for it, and eventually take that leap!

#2 Reunite with what you enjoy.

what do you enjoy doing and what legacy do you want to leave behind? Who are you and where did you come from? What makes you laugh and what brought you true joy as a child? What do you enjoy doing most where the time goes by unnoticed? These are the deeper self-reflective questions you want to answer as you come to terms with the idea that yes, you will be acting on a change sometime in the near future. 

When we’ve become accustomed to something for so long it’s easy to mistake it as comfortable. Detachment becomes confused with familiar. You might be on autopilot and bored, but fall back on the justification that this is just the way it is. It shouldn’t be! 

If you don’t feel joy, you have to ask yourself why you’re allowing it? Perhaps you need to work through feelings of worthiness and give yourself permission to plan and change your life trajectory. You too can make a #Megxit from the dysfunctional royal family. 

#3 You’re open to change

You’re determined, curious, and open-minded. You want (and maybe have) to try something new. What you’re currently in is definitely a “no”, a temporary blip in your important larger journey towards a more meaningful life. You desire something, perhaps you know or perhaps you want to find it, and that something is not waiting for you at the desk you currently loiter at or the meeting room you constantly yawn through. 

You have achievements, networks, and support; you also have ideas and dreams that have been ignored. Understanding how action can turn those ideas is the next step – and it’s closer than you think. 

If you feel like you’re going through a breakthrough then you’re ready to get your hands dirty. Don’t fight it, embrace it and acknowledge the feelings behind it, not just mentally and emotionally but also physically through action, even if a small step forward. You can no longer waste time resisting the message. Or else, experience eternal déjà vu as you watch others live the life you want to be living, and that’s no way to live at all! You have so much to offer the world. Stop dimming your inner light.

In the end, you can’t break through without letting go. You have to make space to embrace the new. Your future life is waiting for you, one that’s more soulful, enjoyable and true to the real you, and not the one you feel you have to be for others. 

You know you are an overachiever who’s multi-talented and creative – that genius in you is sitting dormant. If you’re ready, I’d love to hear about your dreams. 

Fear or not, you can’t say “no” to that inner voice any longer.

How Ruslana became Rome’s go-to make-up artist

Ruslana is a professional make-up artist and hair stylist, currently based in Rome, Italy. I met Ruslana when I was in Rome in 2015 for a branding photoshoot (my first one!) with the incredibly talented Wendy Yalom. Ruslana and I connected right away. Her positive attitude, and enthusiasm were contagious! Not to mention her incredible talent! Since that first photoshoot, Ruslana has been my go-to make-up artist for my signature retreats in Paris. Ruslana is a dream to work with, and is starting to make her mark as the bridal expert of Italy. 

What was your big dream, and what inspired you to go after it?

When I was a child, I wanted to become an artist. I always felt inspired by colour and use different techniques to create something beautiful. When I grew up, I chose a career as a makeup artist so I could make brides-to-be beautiful. It’s such a wonderful feeling, to be able to just do what I love every day.

I’ve always wanted to work for myself. I never wanted to work for someone else, or have a boss telling me what to do. That’s why I love my job and why I’m so happy to be my own boss. I love the freedom I have from working as a freelancer.

Did you always have this dream?

I’ve always wanted to create things. I loved having “projects” and making things. In primary school I was always the one who wanted to organize work for the whole class, I was always creating. So yes, frankly speaking, I had entrepreneurship and leadership in me from childhood.

What was one of the first thing you did to get you started?

When I decided to turn my passion for make-up and hair styling into a business, the first thing I did was to invest in a website so I could show my skills to actual customers, not only to friends or my family. It was a big thing for me because at the beginning, I was a little shy, uneasy about showing myself to the world like that.

I think my talent pushed me to start. I was never scared to touch the face of a woman with my brushes. It felt so natural to me. Along the way, with all the support I’ve received from people that I didn’t even know, I understood this was what I should do with my life.

What were the biggest challenges you faced in working toward achieving your dream?

My biggest challenge was definitely breaking the language barrier. As all my clients are foreigners or mostly English speaking couples, I needed to learn English enough so I could explain my concepts, makeup ideas, hair styling vision and so… That was a huge issue for me at the beginning. But I knew that I could do it, and that it was necessary to achieve my dream. I believe what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. This interview, alongside my growing business, are proof that it’s true. 

What do you wish you would have done differently? What would you warn others about?

I’m happy about my life and about all the opportunities I’ve had. I wouldn’t change anything. I just wish I started sooner. I wish I could go back to my ”younger” self and tell her:  “Just do what you really love!”

Would you say you’ve achieved your big dream yet?

No. There is always something bigger, right there behind the corner… so why stop here?

What do you think helped you achieve it?

Having a supportive husband and family. 

Without support, entrepreneurship can be really lonely, not to mention hard. Having someone to talk to when things don’t go as planned, or simply be able to share ideas and get a different perspective can be so valuable. I’m really blessed to have people in my life who care, and that I can always go to.

What’s the best advice you have for others who want to follow their big dreams?

Not to be scared, to do what they want and just to follow their dreams. It seems banal but self-esteem is still very important. Women need to know their value. To believe in themselves. Because once they do they become unstoppable.

Start doing something and never quit!

More about Ruslana–ruslanaregi.com

Ruslana offers luxury bridal services, and travels around the country (and the world) for destination weddings. She loves her job so much that it never feels like a real job, it’s her personal mission to know your wedding vision inside and out and give you the bridal look you’ve always dreamed about.

Ruslana participated in various small and big projects (one of them was for Lamborghini). Currently Ruslana collaborates with many world-famous brands and celebrities like Alana Masterson, Bijou Philips, Anfisa Chekhova, Anna Sedokova. Her work was published in international magazines such as Elle Bulgaria, L’officiel Latvia, Muaclub, wedding blogs, and Paris fashion week.

Don’t hesitate to get in touch with Ruslana! She loves connecting with women from around the world. You can do so through her website at ruslanaregi.com or on Instagram @ruslanaregi.

Ruslana’s favourite quote is:

Always remember: Life is for enjoying.
– Abraham Lincoln

Ruslana’s dream for the world is:

To make this world much happier and open-minded. Let’s stop judging and let people live their lives.

If you want more inspiring stories, I’ve got great news for you! This story is part of an interview series, you can find all entries in this interview series.

Self-trust: a Way to Overcome Impostor Syndrome

Are you a multi-talented, creative person suffering from anxious, incessant mind chatter? Doubting yourself by saying, ‘you’re going to mess up!’, ‘are you *sure* that’s right?’ or (my favorite) ‘one day you’ll get caught, and everyone will know you’re just a mess!’

That inner voice isn’t an alien phenomenon, but a side effect of being unable to internalize your achievements, aka ‘Impostor Syndrome’.

Do you easily dismiss your intelligence as luck or fraud? Here’s why you shouldn’t…

Impostor syndrome isn’t unique to women, though we experience it more. We’re also not the only ones who experience it. In fact, about 70% of humans do. But we, the creative, multi-talented, high-achievers experience heightened ‘intellectual phoniness’ more often. We find ways to downplay our talents, or struggle with getting caught as imposters, despite proof of our achievements. This internalized fear leads to a cycle – the slightest criticism is *proof* of our incompetence despite our capabilities, and undeniable evidence of our successes.

How many degrees do you have? Distinctions? Praises? Professional recognition? Courses and trainings you’ve undertaken? *Not enough* would be my guess, at least not according to you!

Having imposter syndrome means trying to work with crippling perfectionism, over-preparation, and a tendency to keep yourself small or people-please, while lacking self-esteem to freely share your opinions and safeguard your boundaries.

The truth is – in Tanya Geisler’s words (expert on the Impostor Complex): actual impostors don’t feel like impostors.

From Tanya (who I’ve had the pleasure to attend a talk by on this very subject a few years ago) I also learned that all these traits – perfectionism, people-pleasing, keeping yourself small, etc… – are not always bad. They’re part of our evolution as humans. We want, and need to belong. So depending on the environment we live in they can be life savers.

Issues arise, though, when these behaviors show up to *avoid* feeling like an impostor. When that happens, feeling like a fraud actually gets amplified.   

What are the elements of impostor syndrome?

In my life, the impostor syndrome manifested most (and still does sometimes) by telling me I’m a fraud, that I have nothing interesting to say or that I don’t know what I’m talking about. This, paired with the fear of saying something wrong, is the perfect cocktail to keep myself small, take on the opinion of others, people-please and procrastinate. I mean, why would I even try? If I do they’ll find out I’m worthless… The problem is, deep inside I know I have something to contribute.

The impostor syndrome shows up when things matter.

Have you ever feared being found out for how you do the dishes, put on your shoes in the morning, read a book? I haven’t. The impostor syndrome shows up when the opinion of others about your abilities becomes important to you. If you don’t care, *it* doesn’t care.

The way the impostor syndrome manifests in your life will be different to how it manifests in mine, but there are a number of situations in which it’s almost certain to show up:

• Change – Change is constant. It’s the foundation of all things, what allows us to create our own reality, and evolve as humans. It’s also one of the triggers of the impostor syndrome. When trying something new – often at work – or going after our dreams in general, when facing a difficult situation, especially in a higher position, we’re bound to encounter change in how things are done. The impostor syndrome doesn’t like that. At all. That’s why it makes us believe that anyone else who is successful *doesn’t* experience the feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, uncertainty that we’re plagued with when facing change.

• Fear – Achievement always makes us visible. This makes it impossible to protect ourselves from the judgement of others. (Even if we’d love to do that more than anything else.) The potential of being *found out* feels catastrophic to anyone dealing with the impostor syndrome. This translates into fear. The biggest issue – again – is that we believe we’re not good enough. That we’re not ready or don’t have what it takes. “What if I take this job, and I can’t do it?” or “What if I start this project, and I get stuck?” are some of the questions my clients deal with on a daily basis.

• Failure – The conditional nature of society, that credits worth and success to high-achievement, also creates anxiety and doubt. Not achieving exemplary results is associated with incompetence and failure, even when this isn’t the case. You might find it difficult to try new things because of fear of failure, especially if you struggle with the impostor syndrome.

Can we overcome impostor syndrome? If so, how do we get started?

The good news is that, yes, there are ways to learn to recognize, and move passed the impostor syndrome. I’ll get into that in a minute. First, I want to address an important aspect of our culture that I believe influences women (more than men) when it comes to feeling like a fraud: patriarchy and the role we’re meant to play in it.

The patriarchal, white, capitalist culture we live in makes women perform a gender role that is vulnerable to the impostor syndrome. Conditioning primes us for not taking credit for our successes, for being sweet and humble, not too proud of who we are, for staying small, not being too loud, and certainly not wanting too much. Far from the best conditions to teach us how to internalize our achievements, it actually feeds the impostor syndrome the nutrients it needs to grow.

In a way, the impostor syndrome is a symptom of the systemic oppression that patriarchy imposes on us. It’s predominance in work environments where highly qualified women are driven to achieve doesn’t come as a surprise. That’s where the capitalist, patriarchal ethos of endless growth, and success without failure is most present.

Overcoming impostor syndrome can therefore never be achieved without liberation from our cultural programming: we must stop trying to be what we’re not, and instead get absolutely clear about who we are, and what we believe in.

We must cultivate self-trust.

Acceptance of what is, allowing mistakes, trusting that everything will be OK are all part of the awakening process we must go through.

Being a high-achiever, you might not always embrace imperfection. In fact, if you’re anything like me, chances are you passionately hate it. What I’ve learned is that making mistakes, falling, getting back up, and dusting yourself off, learning and moving forward is all there is.

Perfection.
The moment you’ll finally be good enough.
Waiting until you’re ready.
Succeeding without years of practice, perseverance and shit happening while you’re trying.

None of it is real.

In order to be approved of, and loved, you don’t need to achieve anything. What you need is waking up to the fact that you’re good enough right here, right now. Nobody’s going to find you out, because there’s NOTHING to find out.

If you step into the fullness of who you are, what the world will see is more of your greatness.

It all starts with cultivating self-trust by questioning what you believe about the world, and your place in it. Is what you’re telling yourself *really* true? Are you really the fraud you think you are? Once you’ve come to the inevitable conclusion that, no, you’re not a fraud, and, yes, you’re very capable, a world of endless possibilities will open up for you.

Trust yourself. You’ve got this.