Is your money mindset affecting your dreams?

We all think we know what money is, and we all feel confident that what we think we know is true. We hardly ever question the beliefs that we have around money or the money mindset that comes with it – even though we don’t know where they come from. A perfect example of this is the belief that many of us have – me included – that making money is a hard thing to do. We start out in life believing this to be true, even before we experience it for ourselves.

My story and mindset about money began with that exact belief. For many years it rippled into everything I did, including how I approached my dreams and tried to achieve them. Because I believed making money was hard, I also believed achieving my dreams had to be.

And it was. Our mindset can be our worst enemy as much as it can be our best friend.

We don’t always think about our mindset this way. In fact, many people go through life without ever questioning what their beliefs are. As the student of my own mindset for many years now, and the witness of the amazing, positive changes that occur in my clients when they change their mindset about money, I’ve come to realize that understanding the true power of your beliefs is one of the most fundamental ways to find more flow, happiness, and courage in your life – and to achieve your dreams!

Our beliefs influence the way we think, but also the way we feel, and the way we act. In a way, you might say that everything comes down to your mindset:

• How you perceive the world

• Your level of self-confidence and self-esteem

• How much you think you’re worth

• Whether or not you believe you can do something

• …

All of these thoughts, feelings, and characteristics are guided by your mindset. If you believe that making money is hard, it will have an effect on your dreams.

You might think building your dreams is expensive, and since you believe making money is hard you’ll never get there. Or as you’re building the career or business of your dreams you might fall into the trap of relentless productivity and overwork like I did. Because way you think about money has a direct influence on the way you think about all the activities that produce money.

The good news is that, even though our beliefs control us, we can take control over what we believe. This means that you are in control, and that no matter what your situation may be today, you have the power to change the world you live in simply by changing how you think about it.

You start this process by asking questions.

• What do you think about when you think about money?

• When you think about money, how do you really feel? Calm, excited, happy, afraid, stressed out?

• What was the relationship your parents had with money? Were they savers, spenders? Were they relaxed about money or always worrying?

• In what financial situation did you grow up? How much money was available to you then? Was there enough to go around, or was making ends meet a challenge every month?

• Who do you think you need to be in order to make money?

• How much do you think you’re really worth? How about your time? And your work?

Exploring these questions will help you to find out more about your relationship with money, and what your money mindset is.

Whether you’re conscious of it or not, beliefs about money were all around you when you were growing up. And they are still all around you today. Everybody has them, and often they’re rooted in the culture that you’ve been brought up into. For instance, do any of these money stories sound familiar to you?

• You have to suffer to make money.

• People want to steal your money away from you.

• You have to work hard to make money.

• The best things in life are free.

• Money is the root of evil.

• Money needs to be saved.

• It’s selfish to want a lot of money.

• People with money are greedy, evil, bad.

• Money doesn’t grow on trees… (although this statement is true, what it implies is still a belief about money)

All of these statements were part of my inherited beliefs about money. As long as I kept on to them they worked like self-fulfilling prophecies. Even though making money was never the issue, the way I felt about it and how I spent it were.

The stories I believed about money shaped the way I felt about it, how I looked at it, and what I believed it to be. Essentially, I was afraid of money. I was afraid there wouldn’t be enough of it in my life (since it doesn’t grow on trees, you see!), I was afraid I would have to work really hard all my life to have even a little (well, because you’ve got to work hard for money), I hated wanting money (because it’s selfish), and when I had money, I often felt bad about it (because it’s the root of all evil). What a mess!

I don’t believe any of these statements anymore. Money is not good or bad, doesn’t require hard work, doesn’t make you evil, and it’s certainly not selfish to keep the money that you’ve worked for for yourself. It’s just an instrument that is required in life to get a lot of the things we want.

The thing is nobody teaches us this stuff. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. The tyranny of our inherited dreams keeps us locked up in these suffocating beliefs about money. They have been passed down from generation to generation, transformed on the way down by the experiences of those who end up giving them to us.

Wherever they come from, what most of your beliefs about money are is – simply – beliefs. Yes, many of them probably find their origin in some truth, but not the kind that you need to live by today.

Unconsciously or consciously, we all live by many of the money beliefs that we’ve inherited and are surrounded with. And that limits us. Sometimes in a good way, like when we realize money doesn’t grow on trees and so we don’t spend it all. But most of the time our money stories aren’t that helpful. Like when we’re afraid to invest in our dreams because, well… money doesn’t grow on trees.

In order to achieve your dreams – and to live a life aligned with your soul – you need to create your own beliefs about money. And guess what, you have the power to do just that!

How to identify the beliefs that hold you back

In my coaching practice I meet women when they’re at a crossroads in their lives. When the life they’ve been living for a long time – and the goals they’ve pursuit – don’t work for them any more. When I ask these women what their big dreams are I’m often met with silence. Many of them simply don’t know. Or if they do, their big dreams often come with a big list of why they’ll never achieve them.

From personal experience, and listening to what these women tell me over and over again, I’ve learned that one of the main blocks to overcome in order to dream bigger are the beliefs we hold true for ourselves.

We live in a world full of rules and regulations about who we’re supposed to be and what we’re supposed to want. This is especially true as women. We’re expected to be a lot of things. Most of them in service of others. These unwritten rules or social expectations are often disguised as internalized beliefs. It’s simply the way culture works.

Being a good daughter for instance might mean you believe you need to listen to your parents when they give you advice about your career choices. Perhaps they want you secure your future by staying in a job you dislike, or earn a degree in a field that doesn’t interest you. The belief that you need to listen to them might make it hard for you to follow your own path, and choose your own career.

The good news is, once we identify the beliefs that hold us back, we can let go of them. We do this by replacing them with new beliefs based on who we are, what we really want, and what we actually belief about the world.

How to identify the beliefs that hold you back?

• Reflect

The best way I’ve found to identify internalized beliefs is to reflect on them. You can do this by journaling about them. Writing down what you believe in can be difficult. What’s internalized isn’t always visible on the surface or conscious. Here are a few prompts that can help you get started.

Pick a dream you’d like to achieve but have trouble getting started or following through with. Start writing down all the associations that come to you about this dream. Don’t edit or limit yourself.

Ask yourself:

• Do I think I deserve this dream?

• What will happen if I achieve this dream?

• Why do I think I won’t make it?

• What don’t I want about this dream?

• Why am I having trouble achieving this dream?

Go over your list and make a note of all the negative things you wrote down. What do they have in common? What do they say about how you see yourself in the world? What beliefs do they bring forward?

If your dream is to become a freelance writer you might think that pursuing this dream is risky, or that you can’t because you don’t have the right degree. Both of those things – risk and degree – are beliefs you have about who can, and can’t start a business.

The question is: is this really true? Do you really need a degree to become a freelancer writer and is it really that risky to work for yourself? Spoiler alert: it’s not! You only believe it is because you’ve been conditioned to.

• Listen to your inner voice

We all have a mean inner voice. It’s the one that tells us we can’t do something, or that we shouldn’t. She’s always there with an opinion about everything. Guess what? That opinion are your internalized beliefs.

By listening to your inner voice, especially when she’s being critical, you’ll be able to identify the beliefs that hold you back.

My inner critic has a tendency to tell me that I’m not good enough, that I don’t have what it takes to succeed at my dreams. For a long time this held me back from doing what I really wanted to do, and forced me to stay small. Once I realised she wasn’t telling the truth I was able to let go and make decisions without listening to her or my internalized beliefs.

• Question your inherited beliefs

Inherited beliefs are the beliefs that are passed down to us in childhood. A lot of them come from our parents, the school we went to, the social circles we grew up in. They’re closely related to our inherited dreams, something I resist and fight against in the work I do with my clients.

We have inherited beliefs about everything. Most of them came from the people that had the most influence on us, that we cared the most for or that we looked up to the most.

Questioning your inherited beliefs is an exercise in reflection like the first tip above. The difference is the focus of the question. Instead of asking yourself what you believe about something, you focus on someone else: your mom or dad, your siblings, a school teacher maybe. Anyone that had an influence on you growing up.

Ask yourself:

• What did my mom teach me about money?

• What did my dad teach me about work ethics?

• What did my fifth grade teacher think about creativity?

• How were my parents raised?

• What did my parents believe in?

These questions will help you to identify the beliefs that you’ve inherited. Once you have I invite you to ask yourself if they’re true and relevant to you. If not, don’t be afraid to change them to alternatives that work better for you. Your big dreams will thank you.

Is your money story keeping you broke?

Money is a subject that can be difficult for anyone, and not just multi-passionate, creative women. We’re all born into money stories, and along the way we create our own money stories, too. Our money stories are the things we tell ourselves about money – the beliefs we have about it that make us deal with money in a particular way, feel certain things when we come into contact with money or are in need of it or spending it, and more. Based on the culture and religion that we’re brought up in, we share a number of common money stories, such as our beliefs that:

• You have to work hard to make money.

• There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

• Money is the root of evil.

• It’s selfish to want a lot of money.

• Money doesn’t grow on trees. (Now, although this statement is true, what it implies is still a false belief.)

I don’t believe that any of the statements above are true, really. In my mind, money is not good or bad. It’s just an instrument that is required in life to get a lot of the things we want.

But I was raised with those money stories – and so, for the longest time, they shaped the way I felt about money, how I looked at money, and what I believed money to be. Essentially, I was afraid of money. I was afraid there wouldn’t be enough of it in my life (since it doesn’t grow on trees, you see!), I was afraid I would have to work really hard all my life to have a little (well, because you’ve got to work hard for money), I hated wanting money (because it’s selfish), and, when I had money, I often felt bad about it (because it’s the root of all evil). What a mess!

The thing is, nobody really teaches you about money. The only things that your parents and everyone else has to offer you are their own money stories. And those stories have been passed down from generation to generation, and transformed along the way, based on what those who give them to you have experienced themselves, all the way on until they made their way to you.

Some money stories find their origins in ancient beliefs, and others in more social or cultural norms. But wherever they come from, what most of them are is simply stories. They are not based on facts, or at least not on the cause-effect kind of relationship that proves their statements to be true in the here and now. Yes, they find their source in some sort of truth, but not in the kind that you need to live by. They are more like urban legends that can be traced back to an actual event – at least sometimes – but that, in most cases, are nothing more than fantasy gone wild.

Yet, unconsciously or consciously, we believe and live by many of the money stories that we’re surrounded with. And this limits us. Sometimes in a good way, like when we realize money doesn’t grow on trees, and so we don’t spend it all. But most of the time, our money stories are not that helpful. Like when we’re afraid to invest in ourselves because, well… money doesn’t grow on trees.

To find out if your money story is keeping you broke, I’ve got a few questions lined up for you.

Answering these questions truthfully, and really figuring out what money means to you, will help you to uncover your own money story and to rewrite it. So take out your journal or some paper and a pen, and answer the following questions:

• When you think about money, how do you really feel? Happy, excited, afraid, stressed?

• What was the relationship your parents had with money? Were they savers, spenders? Were they relaxed about money or always worrying?

• In what financial situation did you grow up? How much money was available to you then?

• How do you think you need to be in order to make money?

• How much do you think you’re really worth? How about your time? And your work?

Answering these questions will help you to get a grip on what your money story looks like. But figuring all this out is only half the journey towards a better understanding of your money story.

Now write down your top 5 beliefs about money, based on what you’ve uncovered above, or simply the stories that shape your perception of money the most. And, for each, think about where the story comes from and understand the relativity of it’s truth. Then, rewrite it in a positive and uplifting way that will serve you. Because what I really want you to get out of this is that money can and is anything that you want it to be. If you’re afraid of it, it will not come easy to you; if you think it’s evil, you’ll feel bad about making it; and if you think it’s hard to make, chances are that you’ll wear yourself out at work without enjoying the benefits of that hard labor.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can choose what money is to you, and what your money story looks like. And if you make it a beautiful and uplifting story, making money will come easier, and feeling good about having it and spending it will become second nature.

So, go ahead and give it a try!

PS: To help you along a little bit more, I’ve created a free money affirmation poster for you. Click here to download your copy now and start enjoying the benefits of your new money story.

The power of unlimited thinking

I love the word unlimited. It speaks to me; it talks to my soul. It makes me believe that I can be and do anything that I want, and that there are no limits to what it is I can achieve. And I honestly believe that. I believe it’s true. That there is nothing in this world that I couldn’t handle if I wanted to. And that’s why I love this word so much. It reminds me of the possibilities, even when all odds are against me.

I gave a talk once in which I explained how I believed I could marry Brad Pitt – if I wanted to. I remember the girls and women in the audience looking at me and going “yeah, right,” but when I said it I really believed it, and I still do now. To me, the possibilities that life offers are like the laws of physics. I don’t understand them all, and I don’t know them all either, but I do know they work and I believe them to be true. Every time an apple falls from a tree or we launch a rocket into the sky, I’m reminded of those laws.

With unlimited thinking, it’s the same thing. To me, it’s a law just like the ones from Newton. The only difference is that this one is about us and not the world we live in. And what it says to me is pretty simple: by believing in unlimited thoughts, you will achieve unlimited things. I love that. So simple, yet so powerful. But I didn’t always use to think this, and nor did I always like the concept. For a very long time, I believed that the world was small, and that my place in it needed to be even smaller. I had thoughts of all the things that I wanted to do and say and be, yet I never believed I could actually achieve any of them. My thinking was not unlimited at all; on the contrary, there were boundaries everywhere. I would dream about being me, living a life in which I felt happy and fulfilled and content to be who I was, yet I thought that those goals were totally out of reach. My daily life was filled with beliefs about the world that limited me not only in my actions, but in the way I looked at myself and loved myself. I was blocked and unable to move forward. In all honestly, I was miserable, too.

But, back to Brad Pitt. There I am, in an auditorium, speaking to college students, young women with a life of opportunities ahead of them, and none of them believe me. They all immediately limit the thought that I put out into that room: you’re too short, you’re too old, you’re not Angelina, so he could never marry you. All of them fair comments (it’s true, I’m not Angelina), yet really only speculation. And that’s the problem. Who in that auditorium actually went and called Brad, and asked him directly what he thought of the idea? And even if someone would have done that, marrying someone requires love (I hope), and that doesn’t happen overnight (well, it could, but it’s rare). So this goal would need to be put in motion with a lot of different actions, and if it were a real goal, I should keep at it for a while, in order to reach it. But that’s okay, no issues there. I’m all up for that, and it might be worth it, too.

The problem is the limits we immediately put on our thinking. And the results that that impulse has on the size and horizon of our personal universe. I cannot say for sure that Brad wouldn’t marry me, except if I try.

Yet, when our dreams get big we all immediately jump to conclusions and deny ourselves the opportunity. And that makes our world small – very small.

Think of Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Austrian bodybuilder who not only became one of the best action heroes of our time, but governor of California, too. But okay, enough with the guys. What about women like Amelia Earhart, who made history as an amazing adventurer and flyer, or Coco Chanel, to this day one of the icons of style and fashion? What both of these women, and all the other women and men who wrote history before us, have in common is –  I believe – a muscle for unlimited thinking. The biographies, movies, documentaries, and books about all these great people tell tales of thoughts that were greater than themselves, that they couldn’t shake, and that kept them going forward, even when everyone was against them.

That is the power of unlimited thinking. The limits we believe are all around us are not really there. Of course, there is order to be kept, and it’s important to respect and protect everyone’s freedom and life, but apart from those provisions, there are no limits to what it is you can achieve.

This realization came to me very slowly, and it took me a long time to grasp its full meaning and potential. One day, I wondered if, perhaps, instead of continuing to listen to beliefs that were keeping me and my life small, I could actually change my future and decide to live a life I really wanted to live instead. So I pressed against the invisible boundaries I had set for myself, and I pushed through. Once on the other side, after a lot of pushing and pressing and breaking through my own beliefs, I realized that in fact there are no limits at all, apart from the ones we create for ourselves. And so I developed my own muscle for unlimited thinking. And as a result, I have achieved amazing things, been to amazing places, met amazing people, and even married a man that I consider to be my very own – and better – version of Brad Pitt.

Because that too is the power of unlimited thinking. What we want changes over time and the more you use the muscle the more what looks impossible now will become part of your normal thought pattern in the future.

Never forget: everything you think is easy today, you once found really hard to do. So think as big as you can. It’s only up to you to decide how inlimited you want to live.